Not in Vain
In the wee hours of the morning, I’d given birth to a stillborn daughter.
by Betty Hassler
EASTER DAY DAWNED cold and gloomy. A light rain had begun to fall. My pastor husband, Sim, had planned to deliver the Easter message at our church’s sunrise service, to be followed later by his regular sermon at 11:00. Instead, he stood beside my hospital bed holding my hand.
In the wee hours of the morning, I’d given birth to a stillborn daughter. We had known for months that my chances of carrying the child full-term were slim. I had a rare, misplaced placenta that had hospitalized me twice during my almost seven months of pregnancy.
I imagine some of you are ready to turn the page to the next article. Why read a sad story when you’re in the middle of planning for the most joyous occasion in the Christian faith? Why? Because God never wastes a life experience. As Peter proclaimed in 1 Peter 1:7, our trials refine us and reinforce our faith.
What I learned from that ordeal causes me to say with the psalmist, “Weeping may stay overnight, but there is joy in the morning” (Ps. 30:5). A Christian’s joy is supernatural. Joy isn’t found in our circumstances but in a Person — Jesus Christ.
Jesus volunteered for His assignment to go to the cross because of the “joy that lay before him” (Heb. 12:2). His joy wasn’t in suffering but in finishing the work of His life on earth. True, His life was unique — on one day, once and for all, He paid the price for our sins. However, His life offers lessons for the rest of us.
May I share with you some of the truths that have reinforced my faith since my child’s death?
Death Isn’t the Enemy
I would never make light of my daughter’s death, as though it didn’t leave a permanent hole in my heart. Sim and I had committed the baby to the Lord when we first heard about the obstacles that lay ahead for us. Our faith and the undying hope that sustains all life kept us optimistic to the end.
We had tried to prepare ourselves and our 3-year-old son, Scott, for what might happen. Instead of the teasing or questioning most expectant mothers experience, I looked into the concerned faces and sad eyes of friends.
Now our dreams were shattered. Death is the temporal end of life. In the months that followed, I happened across Psalm 56:8, which came to mean a great deal to me: “Put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
God is aware of each tear I shed. He collects them in His bottle! Just as He knows every hair on my head, He’s present in every trial I face. I’m comforted to know that Jesus cried with Mary and Martha at the death of their brother, Lazarus. He felt their pain and responded in kind (John 11:35).
The Easter celebration must begin with death. Otherwise, there would be no resurrection. We are all grains of wheat, falling to the ground so that new grains will produce more wheat (John 12:24). Paul said death no longer has the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 15:57). Our enemy is the father of lies and the sting of sin.
Burial Isn’t the End
We buried Shera Lynn Hassler in the family plot in Waco, Texas. I wasn’t physically able to attend the graveside service, but my family has visited the grave often as other family members have taken their places alongside her.
We felt blessed by the many people who paid their respects to our family in our loss. One family kept our son until I was well enough to care for him. Some drove long distances to see us. Others brought food. Still others simply sat with me in silence. These acts of kindness are what Christian friends do.
Just as family and friends gathered to mourn with us, Jesus’ closest companions felt the loss of His death. Some prayed in an upper room. Others walked back to their homes feeling the weight of the injustice done to Him.
If we believed that our decaying bodies were the end of us, that no eternal life awaited us in heaven, we would be as those who grieve with no hope beyond the grave (1 Thess. 4:13).
Burial pays homage to our Christian loved ones who were at home in the body, but now are at home with the Lord (2 Cor. 5:6-9).
Resurrection Is Guaranteed
The morning of our daughter’s death, Sim preached the morning worship service with my blessing. As only God in His perfect foreknowledge could do, He had given Sim a message that needed little revision considering the early morning tragedy.
The title of the message was “Not in Vain,” taken from 1 Corinthians 15:14. Sim pointed out that had Jesus not risen from the grave, He would have died in vain. The word vain means “empty” or “worthless.” Because Jesus had risen, His death was but a prelude to victory, a victory Christians today can share.
On Easter, our child went to be with the Lord, and Easter was our hope of a blessed eternal reunion. Shortly after Shera Lynn’s death, a young couple in our church lost a son at birth. Our son, Scott, stood beside me at the bedside of the mother. “Just think,” the little guy said, “our babies are playing together in heaven.” Out of the mouths of babes.
The message of Easter is that Christ’s resurrection is a guarantor of our resurrection someday (1 Cor. 15:20).
God Offers Eternal Hope
Two years later, I gave birth to a cute and cuddly baby boy. He’s been a delightful son and an answer to his older sibling’s prayers for a brother. Scott’s hope was rewarded.
In the Bible the word hope doesn’t mean we’re counting on a thing to happen. It means we’re assured a certain thing will happen. Heaven is for real. Christ is preparing our place in glory and looking forward to our eternal presence with Him.
God didn’t ask of us anything He Himself wasn’t willing to endure. My family’s painful loss couldn’t be compared to His anguish as He watched His only child die on Calvary. Jesus willingly gave His life for sinners — enemies of the cross.
I’ve come to appreciate the depth of God’s sacrificial love — love that is so high, so deep, and all-encompassing that nothing can separate us from it.
Betty Hassler is the author of A Beam of Hope and A Stash of Faith. She regularly contributes to multiple Lifeway magazines. Betty and her husband, Sim, live in Northwest Florida near their two sons and grandchildren.
This article originally appeared in HomeLife magazine (April 2023). For more articles like this, subscribe to HomeLife.
Leave a Reply