Earlier this year, much of the US was under a severe winter storm. My corner of middle Tennessee shut down, and I did not leave the house for days. I already work from home (as does my wife), and we had a stocked pantry and refrigerator. We had Internet and TV, so we weren’t going to waste away for lack of food or entertainment. And we had each other.
What we lacked was community. Facebook doesn’t cut it. An online service is better than no service, but it’s hardly the same. It lacks community. I’m forever grateful for my wife, and—I’m going out on a limb here—I think she’s grateful for me, but we still missed the broader interaction with others.
As I consider how my wife and I felt, my heart goes out to those who feel they have no community or other people in their lives. And so many of these don’t people felt that isolation long before the ice and snow forced us inside. Loneliness is an epidemic in this country. I’ve written on this before, but I think the isolation so many people feel is truly tragic.
The epidemic of loneliness hides in plain sight. Ever been in a room full of people you didn’t know? You’re surrounded by people but you feel alone. Some people feel that “isolation in a crowd” all the time.
The health insurance provider, Cigna, did a study on loneliness. Here are some of their findings after talking with 20,000 adults.
- Feeling left out. Almost half of the group said they feel left out sometimes or all the time.
- No one understands me. One out of four adults feel that no one really understands who they are.
- Inconsequential relationships. Forty percent of adults feel the relationships they have don’t amount to much.
- No one to talk to. Twenty percent of the adults said it is rare (or never) that they feel close to someone or have someone to talk to.
None of this describes me, which is why my heart aches for those who live in the margins. I ache for them because there is an ache in all us for relationships. We were meant to live in community with others. Not just live around others, but in community. Community implies that we commune, that we share something together. There is a kinship, a connection.
We were created for just such a community. And the need for the church—a Christ-centered community—has never been more needed. Yet in the tidal wave of isolation and loneliness, we in the church have made it easier for people to stay in their little cocoons with our online services. We’re exposing them to Christ—that’s a good thing!—without exposure to the body of Christ. Yet that community—the body of Christ—is critical to our growth in Christ.
I’m not proposing we cease live streaming our services. Far from it. Keep it up. In fact, I appeal to church leaders to do it better. Make it easy to see and easy to hear. Give it your best.
But that’s not enough. We must do more than enter the lives of others digitally. We need to enter their lives physically. Let’s be present in their lives. That will likely mean going to them first. Invade their isolation, build a relationship, and them get them connected to a group of believers. Bring them to your small group, Sunday School class, or whatever you call your Bible study group. If that group has strengthened and encouraged you, it can do the same for others.
You are the key for someone to be set free from loneliness and find a community of people who will love them in Jesus. Invite them. Bring them with you to your Bibler study group. Make the call and go knock on that door.
Lynn Pryor is the team leader for Bible Studies for Life. You can read more from him at lynnhpryor.com.
I hear pastors teach this all the time and encourage people to reach out to one another but nobody ever does. I lost community when my husband died and I had to raise my child alone. There is no place for single women at the church table. We have no other family, so we spent every holiday alone. Some holidays we were both so overwhelmed we just ordered pizza and watched movies. My child suffered a lot from being denied “church life,” although I did send her to a private christian school. The church I was going to for 25 years closed so I have been a part of 3 churches ( the last one for 5 years ) and its the same everywhere. Most people dont fellowship outside of a 2 hour home group and are definately NOT “doing life together.” As the lonliness began to cause health problems and depression I became super pro active at trying to form relationships and get together with ladies outside of church…met with excuses “so busy,” ….”going through something right now…” “kids are sick…” etc etc…
One lady laid it on the line and said “nobody returns your calls because no married woman wants an attractive single woman over for dinner.” I was shocked. I was faithfully married and cared for my husband through many years of his illness. I’ve stopped reaching out.
When you are completely alone, you forget your social skills. So I went from someone super active with tons of friends as a ministry leader to someone who after many years of being alone …tends to say the wrong thing, talk too much or be just plain irritating. At this point, people avoid me.
My ONLY FEAR is that my heart has grown cold toward the church. I see that as very dangerous. But I’ve been in my own head so long, Im afraid its too late and beg the Lord to bring my heart out of this angry state. Jesus loves His Bride. I want to as well.
I understand what the Lord meant when He said perilous times would come because of the hardness of mens hearts. I know I will be held accountable if I cant overcome this bitterness, which I am fighting so hard to do…but I also know that the church will as well.
I’m so sorry. My sister went through something similar when she was widowed in her early 40s with 3 teenagers. She had been a stay at home mom, had to go to work and has struggled financially. Shes in her late 50s now and has come back to church and is active with a widow group that she can connect with. I pray you find your community.
Thank You so much Winnie!!!! I covet your prayers!
Mr. Pryor’s message was right on. I have said many of the same things. God created us for community. Bible Study classes and the friendships made there, are so important to my life. I am now trying to integrate friends from that class with ladies that live in my apartment complex. Thank for your message.
My daughter, 30, is going through this very real issue. She meets people but after 2-3 months they just “dissappear” It breaks my and her dad’s heart that she doesn’t have people in her life, other than family, to connect with. She’s very sweet and she cries when so called friends just stop calling. She drives a nice car and our home is very nice which makes them want to use her or they feel jealous. She moved back home during COVID and her dad and I are her “best friends.” I pray daily for God to show her that He wants to be her best friend and then He will send others but no one can come before Him in her life, not even me and daddy.
My daughter is going through the same thing! Due to our isolation since her father died she has made very few christian friends and those have gone out of state to college. She used to cry when she was around 9 to 12 years old, now she doesnt expect anything and isolates. She loves the Lord and is pursuing holiness as a Godly lady. But… just like you… I am her best friend. I love being close to her but it breaks my heart at the same time. Being alone isnt healthy. Period.
The only solution is to ABIDE in His presence as much as possible, all day if necessary. HE MUST be my source. There is no other choice. I won’t let the enemy seperate me from my brothers and sisters. I’ll pray, carry water, wash feet do whatever I can physically to serve them and pray for healing of my hard heart. I am desperate for change!
Lynn Pryor’s reflections on loneliness hit home. 🌨️ Even in a room full of people, it’s easy to feel isolated. The real solution? Building genuine connections and community. 💬❤️ Churches should go beyond digital presence and actively engage with those in need. Let’s be the bridge to a supportive, loving community! 🙌 #CommunityMatters #FightLoneliness